As a Muslim and going through the current time of fasting which we call Ramadan. An important part of our faith which all Muslims have some time struggling with. For every Muslim how ever this struggle is different. For my self the biggest struggle is the fact that I am a runner training for a major race during this time of fast. Which has its rules and regulations to it which is not a problem. At least not for me. I have no qoural with rules and regulations at all or any part of my faith at all. I love Islam, the quoral I have is with myself internally. My self as an imperfect person who struggles through life like every other person on this great journey we as humans call life. i struggle with day to day issues, with religious questions and concerns I may or may not have, the person I wish to be Insha Allah as well just general be the best fiance possible.
Ramadan thus far has pointed out a lot of my own personal faults as a person, as well a Muslim. One is that I have very few talents in order to support a family and make a career out of it. I always thought that cooking in restaurants was my calling, how ever i have noticed it is not. At least not to the extent at which I thought. I am not at all in anyway shape or for a talented cook. I do know that I am a good cook and I do know my way around the kitchen. How ever I can't stand the stress of being in a restaurant kitchen and I don't have the speed needed in order to keep up. I really really need a less stressful career choice. I pray every day now for the strength to get through this. What also makes this harder for me is I feel financially that I cant leave unless I'm fired which then ends up looking bad on a resume when you try to explain it to a prospective employer.
Why I can't leave is because I really don't have any other positions which would pay me enough to be able to pay back my student debt, move out from where I am currently living, and be able to pay for the wedding to the most beautiful woman in the world. I working so heard to get ready for my wedding financially, but I feel it is little by little that my job is damaging me emotionally so much that I go home almost every night wanting to cry. When ever I do though get off I can't. I am so tired and so much in need of sleep from being a cook and in need of a day shift job that which is in more of a field which I feel more comfortable. I love cooking just dislike that I have to work in restaurants to cook. As a cook my dream job is being a private or personal chef but it is so heard to break in to cause so many people are skeptical about having you cook there meals for them at how, plus so many people have a stigma around that you have to be rich to have a personal chef even though it's not all to expensive if you find the right person.
How ever though my ultimate dream job in the world no matter what is to be a runner. Professional. not an amateur pro, not a semi-pro. A pro runner where I can save for my wedding and support a family with. Now I don't mean necessarily racing as a runner and least not full time. I mean such as a mix of coaching, being sponsored and doing publicity stints as a runner. I love running. now see I have not always loved running as I do know, but it has become a big part of my life. in a good way. I would also love working with fellow runners, which is one of my favorite things to do as a runner. Getting others excited about running as much as I do when I even just think about it.
I know how ever this will more then likely never happen because I am a Screw up. or at least thats how many in my family make me feel. Feel like a failed experiment some if not most of the time. I have tried to ask them not shame me in to things which I don't want to do, but I've stopped cause it's Allah's will. I have no right to ask them this any more. Nor have I ever had the right to ask.
How ever now, through this time of Ramadan I have realized at least one thing it my life not to be a screw up. The one thing I hope to never screw up, Insha Allah. This is my Relationship with the most precious, beautiful and wonderful woman in the world. She is the only woman and person for that matter i would subjugated my self to such stress in order to make ends meet so that I may merry her. Her name is Khadra Abdille. I do have to admit I would not Kill some one for her Insha Allah, but I would put my life on the line for her, Insha Allah. I would take a bullet for her so that she can live. I would donate my heart to save her life if she needed a new heart. I would donate a lung to her if she needed it. As you can read I would do pretty much anything for her. I some times wish that some one would come along to help me financially in order to be able to give her all that she deserves. I don't think Allah would allow this yet it does not mean I can't wish, or hope Insha Allah. I will hopefully be able to afford every thing it would just be nice if God sent some one to help me out thats all. Mainly so I would not have to bare this all by my self.
Adam here now signing out It's time for some much needed rest. Oh and before I forget if anyone is in need of a running partner or in need of some help improving their running I'm here as a resource if you'd like.
Ramadan thus far has pointed out a lot of my own personal faults as a person, as well a Muslim. One is that I have very few talents in order to support a family and make a career out of it. I always thought that cooking in restaurants was my calling, how ever i have noticed it is not. At least not to the extent at which I thought. I am not at all in anyway shape or for a talented cook. I do know that I am a good cook and I do know my way around the kitchen. How ever I can't stand the stress of being in a restaurant kitchen and I don't have the speed needed in order to keep up. I really really need a less stressful career choice. I pray every day now for the strength to get through this. What also makes this harder for me is I feel financially that I cant leave unless I'm fired which then ends up looking bad on a resume when you try to explain it to a prospective employer.
Why I can't leave is because I really don't have any other positions which would pay me enough to be able to pay back my student debt, move out from where I am currently living, and be able to pay for the wedding to the most beautiful woman in the world. I working so heard to get ready for my wedding financially, but I feel it is little by little that my job is damaging me emotionally so much that I go home almost every night wanting to cry. When ever I do though get off I can't. I am so tired and so much in need of sleep from being a cook and in need of a day shift job that which is in more of a field which I feel more comfortable. I love cooking just dislike that I have to work in restaurants to cook. As a cook my dream job is being a private or personal chef but it is so heard to break in to cause so many people are skeptical about having you cook there meals for them at how, plus so many people have a stigma around that you have to be rich to have a personal chef even though it's not all to expensive if you find the right person.
How ever though my ultimate dream job in the world no matter what is to be a runner. Professional. not an amateur pro, not a semi-pro. A pro runner where I can save for my wedding and support a family with. Now I don't mean necessarily racing as a runner and least not full time. I mean such as a mix of coaching, being sponsored and doing publicity stints as a runner. I love running. now see I have not always loved running as I do know, but it has become a big part of my life. in a good way. I would also love working with fellow runners, which is one of my favorite things to do as a runner. Getting others excited about running as much as I do when I even just think about it.
I know how ever this will more then likely never happen because I am a Screw up. or at least thats how many in my family make me feel. Feel like a failed experiment some if not most of the time. I have tried to ask them not shame me in to things which I don't want to do, but I've stopped cause it's Allah's will. I have no right to ask them this any more. Nor have I ever had the right to ask.
How ever now, through this time of Ramadan I have realized at least one thing it my life not to be a screw up. The one thing I hope to never screw up, Insha Allah. This is my Relationship with the most precious, beautiful and wonderful woman in the world. She is the only woman and person for that matter i would subjugated my self to such stress in order to make ends meet so that I may merry her. Her name is Khadra Abdille. I do have to admit I would not Kill some one for her Insha Allah, but I would put my life on the line for her, Insha Allah. I would take a bullet for her so that she can live. I would donate my heart to save her life if she needed a new heart. I would donate a lung to her if she needed it. As you can read I would do pretty much anything for her. I some times wish that some one would come along to help me financially in order to be able to give her all that she deserves. I don't think Allah would allow this yet it does not mean I can't wish, or hope Insha Allah. I will hopefully be able to afford every thing it would just be nice if God sent some one to help me out thats all. Mainly so I would not have to bare this all by my self.
Adam here now signing out It's time for some much needed rest. Oh and before I forget if anyone is in need of a running partner or in need of some help improving their running I'm here as a resource if you'd like.
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